The Gift Called Regret

How to Put Those Regretful Moments to Good Use

Photo by Lucian Andrei on Unsplash

Research has revealed that almost everyone has something to regret later in life or prior to dying. What rather varies is the magnitude or depth of the regret.

For 56 year old Mary, her regret was being so career driven in her younger days that she gave up on a chance to fall in love and start a family.

For Chris, it was his failure to stand and fight for what he loved, but rather aimed to please a bunch of people who currently don’t even know about the price he paid nor do they give a hoot.

Amy’s deepest regret however, was not valuing and loving her mother like she deserved until she got that call from the doctor after the accident letting her know it was too late.

For you reading this article, it could be something though seemingly insignificant to others, but which gives you a king seized ache just thinking about it.

The word `Regret’ has been said to be a negative/cognitive emotional state where one feels sad or disappointed and involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wished we could undo a previous choice we made.

The question is: what do you do after feeling regretful over an incident? What is your subsequent approach to life and that issue after feeling sad about that occurrence?

Amazingly, many people who claim to have regretted the occurrence of an event, or experienced a loss and so wished for the zillionth time for an opportunity to undo it, still find themselves in just a matter of time doing the same very thing which led them down the awful street of regret.

Who does that? You ask. But then, how many times have you regretted getting drunk because it made you do very crazy things you ordinarily would not have done, but then find yourself having a bottle of wine in a bar the next day after receiving a call from that friend.

What about Amy who lost a chance to tell her mother how much she loved her before she died in that car accident, but then take a closer look at her life right now, the last time she told her husband how much she loved him was during their honey moon.

It is said that it is only a fool who does the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.

You cannot just gloss over your feelings of regret without taking the proper steps, and yet expect not to find yourself again regretting that same thing or another thing with a little embellishment.

For me, my biggest regret was allowing my introverted nature ruin my college life.

Looking back now at wonderful opportunities I pass off, friends I ditched, acquaintances I could have allowed to become friends, places I could have gone to that I failed to go to because of the million dollar lie introverts are quick to tell themselves- `I just prefer keeping to myself’.

I have come a long way and have managed to kiss off a great part of my introverted nature. But boy, how I wish I can turn back the hands of time to my college days and be the me that I am now.

However, I didn’t just wake up to notice that providence in his infinite empathy and sympathy had decided to cut me some slack and help me become the social animal I was created to be.

• It required my first analyzing my life and realizing what I was losing by choosing to abode in my shell.
• Secondly, I took a decision not to count this as something I would continue to regret at my old age.
• Next, I took a course on `Myself’ and schooled into `Me’ like I would study that important college course.
• Finally, I learnt from my mistakes and took the easy decision to avoid them and painstakingly saw to the difficult actualization of them.

Bronnie Ware, an Australian hospice nurse who for several years cared for patients in the last few weeks of their lives, in her international bestseller The Top Regrets of the Dying, mentioned that the five top regrets of the dying were:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
3. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
4. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

There is no doubt that craps do happen. If for no other reason, then the reason that no one is perfect. As a result, we will always have things we would look back on and wish we had done a little differently.

The question however still remains; how do you handle those moments of regret and put them to good use, for the present and for the future.

Below is a list of what aided me in my quest to ensure that my biggest regret does not follow me to my death bed:

• Being grateful and thankful for the things I have. Many do not have them and many have lost theirs, so why don’t I cherish it before I lose it.
• Seeking out the positive side to every experience that happened to me. It’s amazing what the power of perspective can do. As untrue as it may sound, there is a good that CAN come out of every bad experience. You just have to search it out, find it and put it to good use.
• Believing and living in the truth that I am not perfect and so can make mistakes, even grievous ones at that. Knowing this, helps me to forgive myself after receiving the necessary dosage of rebuke.
• Choosing to be flexible in my general approach to life. There is a limit to which your rigidity can lead you. Life is constantly evolving, and those who will survive in it must be willing and ready to take it’s dynamism in strides.
• Finally, I smile and laugh as often as I see the chance to. Nothing has ever had more to offer than life. Enjoy it (unless you believe in reincarnation).

I however know, that no one else is permitted to live this life of mine in this body if mine. Therefore, if I have only one shot at it, I might as well enjoy it while I take a powerful swing at it.

There is so much you can learn and benefit from your past experiences and regrets. You just have to know this, and then work at finding what they are.

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